please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
