My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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