I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
