Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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