By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
