was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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