I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
