At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
