I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
