Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
