Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
