My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
