I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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