i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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