All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Dignity is for republicans.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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