she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
