I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
