so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
