I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
