The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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