we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
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