Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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