That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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