I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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