I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
