it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
