i wish there were pregnant emoticons
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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