areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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