Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
