Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
