We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
