I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
