I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
