I got chris browned last night
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
