shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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