I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
