I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
