Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
they call him Oral-B. enough said
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
