Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
