I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
