I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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