I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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