YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
