Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
