I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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