She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I think i got beer on your cat.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
