dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
