I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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