Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
