Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
