I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
